


I Give It a Year

by FirebirdRising



Category: Beware the Batman (Cartoon)
Genre: F/M, New Years fanfic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-02-08
Updated: 2016-02-08
Packaged: 2018-05-19 04:11:46
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,761
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5953153
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FirebirdRising/pseuds/FirebirdRising
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Bat-family antics! Some humorous, some serious, some just plain crazy! Please read and review! MERRY CHRISTMAS AND HAPPY NEW YEAR! :) Uploaded from FF. Net.</p>
            </blockquote>





	I Give It a Year

**Author's Note:**

> A/N: I do not own Beware the Batman

Disclaimer: I do not own Beware the Batman or any DC Comics characters. I also do not own Nation Geographic, Pink Panther, Kato, or pretty much anything else. Only my idea!

"I Give It a Year"

Before The Joker terrorized the night, before Barbara Gordon was Batgirl, and before Katana and Metamorpho left Gotham to form the Oustiders, The Batman's team had consisted of three people: his butler, his butler's goddaughter, and himself. A Cold War veteran, a former assassin, and a crime-fighting vigilante who dressed like a bat. Then, if that mix wasn't already crazy enough, insert a multi-colored element man, a half mind-controlled scientist, and the daughter of an on-and-off ally and you've got the most unlikely team-up the world has ever seen.

This "team" of course hadn't fallen together overnight. Each member had claimed their spot in the team on their own time, usually by complete accident. Then, after the newest member had passed their final test, he or she would spend the next several weeks yelling at their colleagues, who in turn yelled back at them. It was a strange relationship they had at first. Every last one of them hadn't expected the "Bat-family" to last. In the end, they had all given it a year.

"Costume Change"

Tatsu Yamashiro did not wear dresses. For anything. A dress got her unwanted attention, and if that unwanted attention happened to be from her over-growing gallery of enemies, she would find it quite difficult to fight.

When the Ion Cortex was completed, a ceremony was held at the Wayne Enterprises Tower. The event had not so much been thrown for the Cortex as it had been to see who was out to take it.

"This is nuts," Tatsu muttered for perhaps the hundredth time that night. "Jason's still under control, and you know the League of Assassins are watching us like a hawk!"

Bruce nodded. "The League will be there. That's the entire reason I threw the celebration," he straightened his tie. "As for Jason, he had enough control over his own body to convince you to accompany him tonight."

Tatsu sighed, "And let me guess… You want me to look after him?"

Bruce nodded. "And the Cortex," he walked over to the doorway. "I'll be in touch," he threw over his shoulder.

As he walked out the door and down the stairs, Tatsu glared at him with envy. Usually she went to these parties as Bruce Wayne's leather-jacket driver, but nnooo, tonight she had to play dress-up like a prissy rich girl.

"He's gonna regret this," she promised herself.

Slowly, she began to stand up from her over-stuffed armchair. She was dressed in a dark purple evening gown that hugged her body and restrained her breathing. To make things worse it was a near inch too long, making it almost impossible to walk in. The universe just loved to see her struggle, didn't it?

After several failed attempts, she stumbled into standing position. Taking her first step, she found she could cover no more than a foot per stride. Another step proved she resembled a duck every time she moved. By the time she reached the mirror she realized she was more mobile in Bruce's overly-padded red suits.

"What were the designers thinking," she thought, then mentally facepalmed at her next thought. What was I thinking?"

She hadn't even bothered to try the dress on when Bruce steered her into the formal wear shop one afternoon. As he had browsed the shop for suites, she attempted to stay as far away from the racks of gowns as possible. They were all elaborately decorated, and cost more than she was worth. Eventually, she had simply found her size in the cheapest dress they had. She might have tried to find something more sensible if she had known at the time it was Bruce who was paying for it.

Staring at her reflection in the mirror, she saw her face contort. Forcing her fingers into the neck of the dress, she yanked it up. "Too tight, too low-cut, too long," she thought. What was next?

Ten minutes later, after securing the neck with bobby pins and pulling her hair into a bun at the nape of her neck, she made her way out the door. It sounded easier than it was. The heels she wore were higher than even her boots, making her ankles wobble and her posture look that much more warped.

Reaching the staircase, she gripped the rail. Little by little, she reached the first landing. She was just thinking she was getting a hang of this "formal stuff," when the hem caught on her heel, and down she went.

Thunk!

She landed on her face.

Thump!

She landed on her side.

Crash!

She slammed into a seemingly invincible table on the main floor.

"Ahh," she moaned, stumbling to her feet. She was going to hurt Bruce. Badly.

Five minutes later she had made it outside and was staggering her way to one of Wayne Manor's cars. Opening the door to the driver's seat she (literally) fell in. All she had to do now was drive. Turning the key, she extended her foot to the peddles.

"I can do this," she told herself.

Rippp!

Closing her eyes, she bit her lip. She could breathe again…. Which meant the dress had split the entire way up her side.

"I can't do this."

\----

"Coffee Break"

There are four things necessary for human survival: blended-up food, water, shelter, and coffee. Yes, coffee. Particularly if you only receive two hours of sleep every night.

With coffee such an in-demand product of Wayne Manor, certain doom was sure to ensue when someone found the coffee maker not working.

Tatsu Yamashiro had been the unfortunate soul who had to break the news, leaving Bruce to fix it. Being the genius he was, you would think one time broken would have been the last, but not even a week later the coffee maker was once again sitting useless on the kitchen counter.

Time and time again this happened, and after each occasion Bruce would fix the pesky machine only for it to break down later.

It was Alfred who came up with the bright idea of getting a new machine. "You're a millionaire," he had said sometime after the fifth break-down. "You might be able to afford a new one."

\----

"The Dawn of Dr. Burr"

The daily agenda went something like this:

-Get thirty minutes of sleep

-Eat debatably-edible breakfast

-Answer Jason's first of his seven daily calls

-Daily lesson of vigilantism with Bruce

-Ignore second call

-Punch something

-Turn off phone

-Patrol

There was absolutely nothing in that official schedule that said "Jason comes to visit." More particularly nothing in it said "Jason comes to visit with an accusation."

That one particular morning, however, he did.

They were right in the middle of the "eat debatably-edible breakfast" segment of their day when there was a series of knocks at the door.

Looking up from the morning newspaper, Alfred glanced out the window at their surprise visitor. "Great," he breathed. "Man your battle stations."

"Did Magpie leave her memories here or something," Tatsu inquired, glancing between the blinds. She looked out for a couple seconds, turned around, and sighed. "Here we go again."

Bruce shook his head disapprovingly. "Want me to say something to him?"

Tatsu waved her hand dismissively. "That's the fifth time you've asked me that this week. I can handle myself."

Alfred walked in several minutes later, his back stiff and a warning look on his face.

"Ah, Jason," Bruce immediately put on his usual charade. He reached out to shake the scientist's hand. "How are you?"

"Just fine, Mr. Wayne. And yourself," he did not smile, just held a copy of the morning's newspaper in his hand.

Bruce smiled anyway, even chuckling a little. "I'm great! What brings you here?"

Jason took a moment to look from Bruce, to Alfred, to Tatsu. "I'm curious about something."

Bruce pretended to blink in surprise. "What about, Jason? The ninjas aren't bothering you again, are they," he joked.

Jason shook his head, then unrolled the newspaper. He had taped several images to the front page beside the already existing one. "Miss Yamashiro," he prompted, dead serious for once in his life. "Can you please explain this to me?"

He handed the paper to Tatsu to examine. She took one look at the paper, then dropped it onto the table, pushed it purposely toward Bruce. "I-I don't understand what you're asking me."

Jason narrowed his eyes. He could be scary when he was mad. "Yes, I think you do."

Bruce leap in to save her. "Are you suggesting Miss Yamashiro has taken up the role of Batman's partner?"

Jason nodded, looked Tatsu in the eye. "When the ninjas attacked, one of them kept calling you Katana. Don't you think it's a little odd, that you come to Gotham, ninjas attack, then a woman who looks exactly like you starts going by your name?"

Tatsu opened her mouth as if to say something, then closed it. Closing her eyes, she pinched the bridge of her nose.

"Now tell me," Jason demanded. "Are you Katana?"

Tatsu's eyes snapped open, and she sat up. "I… N-"

Jason shook his head. "Don't lie to me."

There was a moment of silence.

"Yes," she finally answered.

Jason nodded, then turned to Bruce. "And who are you? Batman?"

And so, it is safe to say the family gained another member.

Family Game Night

They go up against the insane, jump off buildings, and battle ninjas on a routine basis, but now they meet their match. Batman and Katana, nighttime defenders of the crime-ridden city of Gotham, go up against their deadliest foe yet…

Monopoly.

And according to Bruce, the only way to defeat it is hanging upside-down facing away from the board with an apple in their mouth, their hands tied behind their back, and plates balanced on their feet.

"Hosomwjeofjwoofff!"

Jason looked to Alfred worriedly. "What's she saying?"

The long-time suffering butler shook his head, the plate of blended-up dinner threatening to fall from his hands.

"Ahehjdkonekwokkkffff!"

Jason looked at Bruce, then to Alfred. "What'd he say?"

Alfred once again shook his head, seeming to realize the insanity had finally set in. "I have no idea."

Pillow Fight

"BRUCE! We're snowed in again!"

It was bad when the blizzards came into Gotham. Well, no bad for the kids at school, but bad for the nighttime vigilantes who had to figure out if they were punching a Pyg or a pole.

Tonight they all piled back after an hour of little to no excitement from the criminal underworld.

"Stay in costume and stay together," Bruce instructed. "It's only a matter of time until Gordon turns on the signal."

So they all sat in the living room directly in front of the fire place, laying on pillows and blankets.

"This is uncomfortable and I can't even feel pain," Margaret complained, fumbling with the mask that was part of her new suit. She was laying on a blanket on the floor, sprawled on her back.

"Yeah," Tatsu agreed. "I think I'm gonna climb on the couch."

Margaret bolted straight up, a fight in her eyes. "Not if I can get there first!"

The two girls collided mid-leap as they both attempted to land on the couch. Grabbing a pillow, Margaret hit Tatsu across the face, distracting her. Ripping the pillow from her grasp, Tatsu did the same.

Less than thirty seconds later, the entire room (yes, even Bruce) had condensed into pillow fighting. Alfred walked in the next morning to find them all in full costume, dead asleep in random area of the room, with feathers covering every inch of exposed surface.

Glare

"How do you do that?"

The Batman didn't look at her as he responded, but kept his eyes firmly locked on the alley he was closely observing.

"That glare," Tatsu specified. "You know, the one the newspapers say scares criminals into paralysis?"

"I look at them. The rest is instinctive."

Tatsu let out a laugh. "Why didn't we cover that on our little lesson on instinct? Is the 'bat-glare' a skill that must be mastered separately?"

To her left, Rex Mason (now referred to as "Metamorpho") snickered. "Looks like you got off easy. I'm still on anger management 101."

Bruce shot him an annoyed look. "We had to train you in combat. I had to strip her of her killer instinct. There's a difference."

Metamorpho smiled, a mischievous gleam popping into his eye. "Really? Or do you two have a….History?"

Tatsu turned to face the multi-colored man, her eyes narrowed menacingly.

Rex gulped. "I think she did the glare," he whispered to Bruce. "I think she did it."

The Marshmallow is Nuts

Everything was as usual when Alfred walked into the Batcave one morning. Metamorhp wasn't one of his rampages of revenge, Jason hadn't gotten abbucted by the League of Assassins, and Pyg and Toad's regularly scheduled prison break wasn't until Thursday.

"Good morning," the butler greated. "What's on the agenda today?"

He sat his tray down, handing the two vigilantes a cup of their usual breakfast. Bruce was sitting in front of his computer looking through newspaper articles intently. Tatsu, however, seemed indifferent on the arm of his chair, was just happy to receive her breakfast.

"Bruce has been here since we got back trying to figure out who this Batgirl is," she explained, taking a sip of the strange concoction Wayne Manor called a meal.

Bruce grunted, his breakfast sitting unnoticed in his hand. "And Tatsu has been unhelpfully daydreaming."

Tatsu elbowed him in the side. "I haven't slept in three days!"

Alfred, knowing that it was best to put an end to their "partner wars" before it got to violent, quickly revered the subject. "Who is this Batgirl? I haven't heard of her."

"She's a girl between the ages of fourteen and seventeen with surprising knowledge of crime and self-defense," Bruce answered, bringing up a picture of the "Batgirl." It was blurry, but he could still make out the obvious bat insignia on the front of her telltale costume.

"Interesting," Alfred replied. "Any idea where she came from?"

Bruce shook his head. "All I know is that we need to find out soon. It's only a matter of time until she runs into Pyg or Cypher or Anarky takes notice."

Alfred raised his eyebrows. "I thought you said she surprised you with her skills."

"She did," Bruce agreed. "But not enough."

Tatsu stopped mid-sip. "She took out three thugs on her own!"

Bruce looked away from the most recent census to face her. "Humpty Dumpty's thugs aren't exactly top-notch assassins."

"She had potential!"

"No," Bruce said decisively. "She lacks the driving force, the determination, the reason for protecting Gotham."

Tatsu rolled her eyes to the ceiling of the cave. "And you know this… How?"

Bruce answered as though it was the easied thing to figure out in the world. "It's written all over her."

Tatsu groaned."You really are nuts!"

Team Player

"On your left!"

"I've got you're back!"

"No, you're other left!"

Margaret screamed as a shooting pain hit her in the side. Aiming behind her, she shot, hoping she had gotten her revenge. There was ammo going everywhere, taking down innocent people… She hated seeing her friends like this.

Rex fell to his knees at her side. "Don't move he instructed."

There was a yell, then Kirk fell to his knees, taken out by another robot.

"Great," Rex seethed, pressing his finger to his comm link. "Jason! We need medical attention down here!"

Nothing.

"Jason? Jason!"

Tatsu appeared out of the woods. Collapsed by her teammates. "What's going on?"

Rex shook his head. "We lost Jason!"

"What," she exclaimed. "No!"

It was then that Kirk walked over. "This is ridiculous. Bruce, come on!"

Bruce appeared from behind the shrubs. "We're in the heat of battle! You're making yourselves targets!"

The four team members groaned. Kirk muttered through his hands: "Why do you always get so serious when we play paintball?"

High-Heeled Hero

"You must be able to fight in any situation at any time," Tatsu threw over her shoulder. She rummaged around in the box she had brought down with her, then pulled a pair of bright yellow heels from its contents.

Throwing the two ominous shoes in his direction, Rex rolled his eyes. So this was how he was to meet his doom.

Tatsu stood in front of him, arms crossed expectantly. "Well," she prompted. "Shift your feet to fit and fight me."

Sighing, Rex did as he was told. One foot at a time, he slid into the brightly-colored shoes. He hadn't even attempted to take his first step before he had to grip onto the chair in front of him. He had heard all about the time Tatsu showed up to the Ion Cortex ceremony an hour late, her heels being one of the two causes of her predicament.

Glancing at the small warrior now, Rex understood. She was going to make every one of Bruce's sidekicks suffer the same as she did.

Forcing a smile, Rex said slowly "Would now be the right time to apologize for teasing you and Bruce about your former love life?"

A wicked smile crossed her face, "Get moving, Mason."

So there they went, fighting for hours until Rex had to physically turn his ankles into cement to keep them from twisting.

The next morning, he limped down to the kitchen to find Kirk and Alfred already sitting down, two steaming cups of coffee in hand.

Alfred had raised his eyebrows before standing up to assist him. "What… Did she do to you?"

Rex looked at him, eyes wide. "If I ever have to look at a high-heeled shoe ever again…"

He had left the threat open, though three months later when Tatsu sprained her ankle and thus switched to flat boots, Alfred and Kirk had been understandably relieved.

20,000 Feet Under the Seat

"We are called here today to discuss the continuous problem of ninja break-ins."

The six members of the Bat-family stood out-of-costume and tired in the downstairs living room of Wayne Manor. Three days ago the League of Assassins had attempted yet again to obtain the Ion Cortex. Once again, Jason had said this was the last straw.

"Now," the (mad?) scientist continued. "One chair in every main room throughout the building has been turned into a direct escape to the Cave."

He stopped, waiting for reactions. No one even raised an eyebrow.

Smiling nervously, Jason sat down in the chair in front of the coffee table. "For example, all you have to do is sit down and pull the lever as though you're going to put your feet up," he fingered the lever. "I have placed trampolines, mattresses- anything soft that can break your fall, under the escapes."

Once again he paused. This time Kirk checked his watch.

"Anyway, if there would ever be an emergeny and we can't make it to the fireplace to get into costume, this would do the trick. Any questions?"

There was a moment of silence.

Jason continued. "Now as far as-"

"Actually, yes, I do have a question," Rex spoke up.

Jason nodded, over enthusiastic. "Go ahead!"

A mischievous smile grew on his face. "Demonstrate the entire procedure for us."

"Sure," Jason replied." All you have to do is pull back here and AAAAAHHHHHHHH!"

The team looked on in amusement as the chair lurched backward, sending Jason down a previously unacknowledged tap door. There was an audible thud as he landed on a mattress down below.

"Well," Rex said, satisfied. "That got rid of him."

To Host a Ghost

It's bad when Anarky and Whale team up. What's even worse is when they recruit the Cauldron's Ghosts as their army. What's terrible is when Rex and and Jason have to stop them on their own.

"This…This is crazy, man," Rex muttered as he was punched yet another time in the neck.

Jason glanced back at the multi-colored element man apologetically. "No one would answer the distress signal..."

Rex's eyes bugged out so much they almost fell out of his head. "You mean I ran unarmed into the Cauldron, nearly get killed by Anarky's jack-in-the-box of doom, and carried a Ghost all the way back here to find this was all your idea?"

The scientist half-smiled, looked hurt. "What's the matter with me?"

Rex cleared his throat, began counting off problems with his free hand. "Well, for starters you're constantly under control, then of course there's that thing with the second coffee machine, Ra's found out you hacked into League of Assassins files, you drove Kirk insane last Wednesday-"

"OK," Jason yelled. "I get it!"

The elemental man looked doubtful, but all the same stopped. With a grunt, he dropped his bag onto the floor.

Jason looked down at the bag, ran a hand over his face. "You just… Threw the guy in there?"

Rex nodded, indifferent. "This is the Official Kidnapping Sack- the O.K.S.- high quality stuff!"

OK. That did it. This place was weird.

"Right then… Tie him to the chair."

Rex did as he was told, dragged the O.K.S over to the chair in front of the computer. The Ghost inside it continued to protest, flailing and kicking and grabbing onto everything it could.

Jason came up beside them, rope in hand. "I'm ready when you are," he confirmed.

"Where's the lamp," Rex asked, his patience waning.

Jason looked around, obviously confused. "What lamp?"

Rex blinked. "Jason…. We can't have an inquisition without a questioning light!"

"Ohhhh," the scientist nodded in recognition. "I'll be right back!"

Jason returned several minutes with one of the living room lights. 'Close enough," he insisted.

Sitting the ghost in the chair was hard enough. Thankfully his head was at the opening of the kidnapping sack. So they could tie him to the chair without removing him completely from the O.K.S.

"Alright," Rex announced as soon as they had wrestled him into the chair. Jason cut holes into a paper bag, then put it over his head. Grabbing one of Tatsu's swords, he nodded to Rex.

Metamorpho ripped the sack from the Ghost's face. Instantly, their hostage glanced around, trying to take everything in at once.

"Eyes on me, punk," Rex demanded, using his "vigilante voice." At this point, both he and Jason were thinking the exact same thing. Bruce was going to pop a gasket when he found out they had brought a Ghost to the Batcave.

The Ghost shied away, trying to blend in with the back of the chair. "You're…Metamorpho!"

Rex nodded. "I am."

Their hostage turned to face Jason. "A-And…Who are you?"

Jason cleared his throat, twirled his sword in his hand. "I'm….uhh… Bagman?"

The Ghost shuddered, seeming to think Jason's "code name" was the most frightening thing that could ever be said.

There was a crackling across the Cave, then Margaret's voice came over the comm station. "Just wrapped all this up at the Cauldron. Did you know that was happening? Anyway, we'll fill you in later. Just tell Man-Bat we're all clear."

There was silence. No body spoke. All they did was look at each other, their faces a perfect reflection of their neighbor.

"We'll," Rex muttered, gesturing to the Ghost. "What are we gonna do with this guy?"

Beware the Butler

"Great," Tatsu thought venomously. "Just great!"

There she was, running down one of the main hallways of Wayne Manor clad in her pajamas, carrying no weapons, and half a dozen ninjas on her tail. Her vision swam with nausea, pure adrenaline the only thing keeping her from collapsing.

She thought of Bruce as he carried her up the stairs two nights ago after coming into contact with Anarky's latest poison. His voice was dead serious as he firmly instructed her to stay laying down. At this point, she didn't know which fate she'd rather have: lectured to death by Bruce or dragged off to Ra's al Ghul. She pondered that thought as she ran as fast as he weak legs could carry her.

It must have been the middle of the night. Everyone was on patrol, no sign of the security guards…

Then it hit her. Wayne Manor was so big she could ripped to shreds… And no one would know until the next morning.

Her senses were fuzzy and unclear, making her tired brain focus harder to hear signs of the hastily approaching ninjas. Everyone once in a while she would hear the scraping of metal against a wall, the clamor of a door being ripped from its hinges. Each sound was clearer than the last.

Stealing a look behind her as she turned onto yet another hallway, she could have sworn she saw a glint of silver. She had to find a way to get dow-

"UGH!"

Her body collided with the wall at the end of the corridor. Glancing around frantically, she realized with a wave of terror she had reached a dead end. No doors, no windows, no balconies to leap off of.

"Think, Tatsu," she urged herself, laying her tired forehead on the floor. She must have looked pathetic, sitting crouched over on her knees, pale-faced and bedraggled. She was Katana, she was supposed to be able to push through pain.

Determination hit her square in the face. "I can take them," she thought, raising her head. "I've fought them a hundred times before- I'll do it again. Sick or not sick."

Taking a deep breath as if to inhale strength, she rose to her feet. Her eyes, narrowed, she slid into battle position, ready.

The ninjas appeared only seconds later, swords unsheathed, prepared to capture… Or to kill.

She caught the first one by the wrist, managed to twist his arm before kicking his feet from under him. The next one caught her around the neck, holding her ready for another to knock out.

"No you don't," she yelled, her voice slightly slurred. She threw her head back, a sure collision with his nose. That didn't stop his fellow assassin, however, from knocking her to the ground. A boot pressed into her back, pressing her to the floor so hard she could have easily gotten splinters in her mouth.

With a great deal of effort, she forced herself to look up. The ninja directly above her had blood stained into his mask, a souvenir from her breaking his nose. He stared down at her in triumph, enjoying his moment of victory before raising his fist, ready to knock her out.

Unable to hold it up much longer, Tatsu laid her head on back onto the ground. "We need a new security system," she muttered, blinking away dizziness.

She waited for several seconds. Waited for the familiar rush of air, the red explosion of pain, then the black of nothingness. But instead, she heard more footsteps. Heavy, hasty footsteps coming quickly down the hallway. There was a crack, then the whish of a bullet. The weight on her back subsided, then left completely.

It was chaos for the next few moments, her vision making out outbursts of color and her ears exaggerating blows. Ninjas attacked her rescuer while dodging bullets, prepared to take him down.

Thinking back to her original question of fate, she made her decision. If that was Bruce, and if he was going to see her laying sprawled on the floor and helpless… She would gladly take Ra's.

Then reality kicked in. But Bruce doesn't wield gu-

It was the sweetest sound she had ever heard when Major's voice filled her head: "Stay away from my goddaughter!"

Tater Tot-su

No one on Earth enjoyed Thanksgiving as much as five-sixths of Wayne Manor did. It gave them time to relax, recuperate, and enjoy that they were still breathing. Crime seemed to slow, and except for the yearly rebellion over Thanksgiving turkeys led by Pyg and Toad, most insane criminals seemed to be exhausted after their Halloween heists.

The heavenly smells of real, solid food wafted into every corner from the kitchen, leaving the residents mesmerized as they sat down together in the downstairs family room. Rex played his CD of Christmas Carols, Margaret threatened to tie Bruce up if he left for the Cave, and Kirk dismissed himself early to go have dinner with his wife.

Jason Burr, however, was not going to relax until everyone had received a nickname.

"C'mon, Tatsu," he insisted as he read the latest National Geographic Magazine. "Everyone has one but you!"

Tatsu shook her head, smiled without meaning to. The scientist's enthusiasm was growing on her. "For the last time, I don't need a nickname."

Jason bit his lip, closed his magazine. "We could combine your code name and your real name- Katsu," he offered.

She shook her head. "I don't even wear a real costume yet. If you start calling me that in public Anarky's gonna be haunting our nightmares."

Jason leaned forward, his hand cupping his chin as he thought. "What about Kato?"

"Stop making… Orange Panther or something references. Just shorten my name."

"I like it too much to shorten it. How about Kata?"

"What did I say about Pink Lion?"

Jason's face fell, whether it was because she could not get Pink Panther right or because she kept denying his nickname offerings was up for debate.

He continued to throw nicknames at her until their feast of a meal that night. As he piled enough food to feed an army onto his plate, his face suddenly lit up.

"I've got it," the scientist exclaimed. "Tater Tot-su!"

The nickname stuck for years.

It Was a Dark and Stormy Night

"Clowns?"

"No."

"The dark?"

"We live in the dark."

"Werewolves?"

"They don't exist."

"Snakes?"

Tatsu groaned, her nearly-perfected bat-glare locked on none other than Jason Burr. Bruce was away on a solo investigation, it was three o'clock in the morning, and the thunder outside sounded as though it wanted to shake Wayne Manor apart. Add the household nerd and you're in the middle of one of the most annoying situations of your lifetime.

"C'mon, Tatsu," Jason pressed. "You have to be afraid of something!"

The scientist scooted closer to her, forcing Tatsu to retreat to the very end of the couch. Scowling, she reminded herself if it had been Rex or Margaret doing this, she would have kicked them into next week. What was it about this man?

"Jason we've been over this," Tatsu sighed, her booted foot serving as a barrier between them. "My fears are related to my past, and if I told you my past-"

"Then you'd have to kill me," Jason finished, disappointed.

"Exactly. Now how about you sco-"she was cut off.

BANG!

Jumping up in alarm, Tatsu bit back a scream. The thunder left her ears ringing.

Behind her, she heard a sharp intake of breath, then the sound of laughter. Suddenly she realized how ridiculous she must look, breathing heavy with her arms out in front of her ready to fight.

"You're… Afraid… Of thunder," Jason gasped, a hand over his mouth to hide his amused smile.

Tatsu felt her face burn. Once again, if this had been anyone else, they would be seeing so many stars it would put outer space to shame.

"No," she insisted quickly, mentally hitting herself over the tremble of her voice.

Jason raised his eyebrows. "Oh really?"

As if the sky had been reading his mind, another blast of thunder rolled through the Manor. Tatsu jumped, bit her lip.

Jason shook his head. "I think you are."

"I am noaaaahhhh!"

The Manor shook with the sky's next outburst, the lights flickering out. Stumbling backward in the total darkness, Tatsu tripped her way onto the couch…

"I can feel your heart racing. Knew you were afraid of something!"

Correction, onto Burr, who was having too much fun expressing his victory to care.

Up On the Housetop

"As soon as you guys get back, we're putting up the tree. No argument, Batman."

If there was one thing that made Wayne Manor look like a happy place, it was Christmas. Alfred snuck sugar cookies into the Cave, snowball fights were passed off as "training," and due to the lack of crime, the Batman only dragged one of his side-kicks onto the streets with him every night.

And, of course, it was Katana who was the unfortunate candidate.

"You know," she said for perhaps the fifth time that night. "It's Christmas Eve and nothing's happened for the past three hours. Let's just go home."

Beside her, the Batman shook his head. It amazed her, how he could lean over a building like that from thirty stories up.

"I've been doing this for three years. Something always happens."

So, against her will, Tatsu remained on the roof of a skyscraper. It wasn't long before she began pacing. She walked from one side of the building to the other while hoping Humpty Dumpty showed up with his toy soldiers.

"This is pointless," she muttered to herself. She was pretty certain even criminals liked to enjoy a peaceful Christmas Eve.

Suddenly, there was a creaking as the roof door opened behind them. Instantly, the two vigilantes swung around. There, standing wide-eyed, was a boy. He couldn't have been any more than seven in age, and his bedraggled hair stuck out in a million different directions.

"Don't be afraid," Tatsu said immediately. She could just imagine what a screaming mess would ensue if he realized how sharp the weapons were they carried.

For several minutes, the boy stood there unfazed. They all just stared at each other, not daring to move.

Finally, the boy sighed, looking disappointed. "I thought you were Santa Claus," he huffed. Spinning on his bare heel, the boy stuck his chin in the air and slammed the door behind him.

A moment of silence passed in which both adults were both too amused and relieved to say anything.

Finally, Katana broke the silence. "Next year, you're defending Gotham as Santa and I'll be your sword-wielding elf. Deal?"

Grudge Match

Margaret's hands moved quickly as she hurried to wrap the bandage around Tatsu's waist. Every time she would slip or make a movement without first warning her, a hiss would escape from the swordmistress' mouth.

It serves her right, Margaret thought as she heard another one of Tatsu's quick intakes of breath. She should have listened to me.

Less than six hours before, Katana and Magpie had returned early from patrol due to a distress signal coming from the Cave. Alfred was out of town, and Kirk had taken Rex to his own lab to test his latest "cure." This, unfortunately, had left Jason alone at their "hide-out." They had tried for a good five minutes to contact the scientist, but every attempt failed. Instructing them to take the cycles, the Batman urged them to go back to the Cave manually and find out what was happening themselves.

They had not so much as reached the entrance to the Batcave before they realized something was wrong. Pieces of metal and shattered glass littered the floor. A table lay on its side, the chemicals and instruments it had previously held laying broken and splattered on the floor.

Katana's voice had come soft and distant as she spoke her realization out loud, "He's gone."

They had searched everywhere- every nook and cranny of the Cave, the Manor, the grounds. All they found was the Batcomputer, shorted-out and unresponsive, and the comm system destroyed.

Then the unthinkable had happened.

Margaret had just been about to give up and call Bruce when she noticed a faint glow in one of the far corners of the cave.

"Katana," she had whispered, just loud enough for the swordmistress to hear her. "There's something over there."

Alarmed, her eyes hopeful, Tatsu had ran to her teammate's side.

"Where," suddenly the relief faded from her face. Margaret had felt a wave of dread wash over her. Never had she seen her teammate's face twist into such a murderous expression.

"How dare you show your face here," Katana's voice echoed, every word bouncing back again and again in the form of pure venom.

A humorless robotic laugh had answered her. "You knew I would return."

Then it had hit was him. That was Cypher, the mind-controlling brainchild of the League of Assassins.

The eerie glow had intensified, slowly maneuvering out of the darkness. Tatsu's muscles had tensed, ready to fight. Margaret was just standing up to follow her lead when a commotion of bending metal erupted behind her. Both women instinctively swung around.

There, standing before them, had been the robotic form of the Cypher… And he was without a captive.

"Where... Is… He?"

In alarm, Margaret's hand shot out, grabbing her enraged teammate by her elbow. Katana was a shaking mess, her anger spreading to every inch of her angered body.

"He is where I want him to be."

Without a hostage to speak through, Cypher's voice was purely robotic. Somehow that terrified her more than when he had taken someone over.

Then, Tatsu had lost it. "Don't you dare!"

But Margaret had been too late. Katana ignored her comment and continued to charge toward her opponent. There was a scraping sound of metal colliding with metal, then the static hum of electricity…

Tatsu's scream would haunt her for years to come.

Now, here they were in the kitchen of Wayne Manor bruised and exhausted. Katana had been out for nearly an hour after her electrocution. Luckily, Kirk and Rex had shown up before Cypher could do anything worse than leave a mark.

Finishing the wrapping, Margaret eased Tatsu into a chair, trying not to case her more pain. The two of them were like fire and water- always colliding but never getting along. Two different personalities with different perspectives. It continued to amaze her that they even tried to help each other anymore. Unless they were as dazed as Tatsu was now, they could be dying and shove the other away.

"Did…Did we find him?"

Margaret flinched at Tatsu's words. She hadn't expected her to speak. Let alone in suh a weakened tone.

"No, Tatsu," Margaret nervously bit her lip. "Jason's gone. Cypher got away…I'm-"

Wait. Was she actually about to apologize? To her? Cypher must have hit her harder than what she thought.

Suddenly, there was a shuffling as Tatsu struggled to stand. "We need to go find him. The League has a base not far from here. Go get your mask. Now."

Margaret turned just in time to see Tatsu take her first step. She wobbled, then staggered, but managed to stay upright.

"Stop!"

Katana looked up to face her. She was pale, her face drained from the night's events, but the look on her expression was filled with pure determination.

"What," her voice was filled with annoyance. She obviously did not care how injured she was. All she knew was that the League had Jason, and she was going to make sure he got out safely.

Margaret hesitated. Determination and devotion cancelled out pain and disapproval. She was standing in the line of fire.

"Bruce is on it. Rex and Kirk are with him and they have Batgirl with them as well. They've been gone for nearly an hour. It's too late to catch up with them now and you need to rest," there she went again, keeping Katana from jumping off the slippery slope.

Tatsu shook her head. "I'm going with or without you. Try and stop me and I'll paralyze you for life."

Then Margaret's anger boiled. No, no, no. Never was she going to submit to her.

"Paralyze me? I've lost my life memories and ability to feel pain. That's hardly a threat," she spread her fingers, her talon-like blades sliding free. "Get yourself in that chair."

Tatsu's eyes narrowed. "Stop it, Margaret. I'm tired of you standing in my way."

Then the real fight began. "What," the Magpie seethed. "What did you just say?"

"I said," Tatsu grunted, taking another few steps toward her adversary. "To stop getting in my way."

"Oh, so that's what this is all about, huh," she remembered during their first meeting how she intercepted her attack on Lady Shiva, how later she had prevented her from leaving to go find Ra's. "I'm always getting in your way? Is that why I was met with nothing but hostility from you? Are you so blinded by the thought of getting your revenge that you can't see reason?"

"Excuse me," Tatsu spat. "I didn't prance around robbing banks for five years wearing nothing but undergarments! Don't you dare question me of lacking reason!"

Suddenly the two collided, hands clasped as they tried to throw one another to the ground.

"Believe it or not," Margaret gasped. "I've been looking out for you."

Suddenly everything went quiet. Their grips lessoned, and for several moments they just stood there, eyes locked.

It was then Margaret realized that even though their personalities constantly clashed, Tatsu was first and foremost her teammate. Teammates didn't let each other be hurt.

Tatsu let go, then stumbled back to her chair, all strength she had shown a moment ago gone. "I don't want revenge," she whispered. "I want my life…Jason is the most sunlight I've seen in years… To lose him would be like losing myself all over again."

Margaret nodded, realized the deepness of her words and knew some of the wall between them had been chipped away. "We're going to find him, Tatsu. You and me. Right now, together."

The Straws That Break a Camel's Back

Kirk had had enough. He was tired of it all- Bruce's brooding, Jason's tendency to get captured, Margaret and Tatsu always bickering. The only quiet ones seemed to be Rex and Alfred. Alfred, who tended to help them rather than annoy them, and Rex, whose deteriorating health kept him in his own agonizing thoughts.

This is it, he told himself firmly as he finished yet another of his "antidotes." After Rex is cured, I'm out.

Taking a syringe out of the cabinet closet to him, Kirk pressed his fingers to his comm link. "Rex, I've got it," he said into it.

He waited in silence for the next several minutes. Eventually, he heard the sound of the elevator doors sliding open.

"Kirk!"

Oh, great. Here she came. The overly-dramatic Magpie.

Sighing, he answered. "What is it, dear?"

She began rambling about something or other, which he found himself unable to focus on. He had found a gray hair this morning. The amount of stress this job was putting on him was nearly unbearable. Keeping it from his wife was a physical pain. It was hard, lying to her that no, his bruises were not from his Man-Bat excursions. Then there was the fact that he didn't get paid for this at all-

"Kirk, are you even listening to me?"

He snapped out of his thoughts. "What did you say?"

Margaret sighed, gently took his arm. "Look, I know you've been under a lot of stress lately, but you really need to see this."

He visibly rolled his eyes though he allowed Margaret to pull him into the elevator. It wasn't as though he was getting anywhere without Rex anyway.

As the elevator climbed to the main floor, Margaret turned to him. "Now I need you to shut your eyes."

Kirk blinked. "Margar-"

"Just do it!"

Taking in a deep breath, Kirk gave in. "Just don't run me into any walls."

Margaret laughed. She gripped his shoulders, moving him a couple steps forward, then let go. "Open your eyes, now," she squealed.

Rubbing the ear Magpie had shrieked into, Kirk did as he was told.

Oh.

"Happy birthday!"

Glancing around the room, Kirk had to smile. For once Wayne Manor actually looked… Happy.

It was then he realized something. No matter how annoying or messed-up this group was, even if he was completely gray by the end of the year, he would not be able to convince himself to leave.

The Bass is Always Greener

Spring was a time of rebirth, to forget your troubles. To start anew without any explosions, wars, or ninja boyfriends with crossbows. This time of year for Kirk, Rex, and Jason was their favorite. It had eared this honor for one primer reason: fishing.

Yes, fishing.

"You start on the left, you start on the right. The one with the most fish by patrol wins," Kirk instructed the other two men. He had been assigned the role of referee for the match, as they all knew what happened on last year's tournament. (For more information hack into Gotham P.D. files)

Rex was the one to reel in the first fish. Also the second. As well as the first dozen.

Glancing over at him with a dumbstruck expression, Jason picked up his empty bucket. "Switch me places," he insisted.

Shrugging, the element man obliged, walked over to Jason's area and sat down.

The first tug on Rex's line came up as three on the same hook. Then a fish that had most likely never been scientifically discovered. Then a fish with… Two heads?

At the end of the day, Rex lugged back what must have been half of Gotham's fish population. Jason didn't reel in another fish until Rex had left with the Outiders nearly a decade later.

Pet Stop

"This is crazy," Tatsu muttered, her breath crystalizing in the cool February air. She couldn't stand shopping. Usually it would end in a ninja attack or worse, her having to get a dress.

Alfred stood beside her, standing impeccably straight and unfazed. It was amazing how that man could go out in this weather in just his usual attire. Perhaps Margaret had been right. If she didn't wear long sleeves all the time she wouldn't have to shiver as soon as the temperature dropped below fifty.

Finally, after several drawn-out minutes of watching her breath freeze, Tatsu saw Jason walking down the sidewalk. He was carrying a box in one hand and a bag on the other. This seemed normal enough, but when the mischievous grin he currently wore was put into the picture, Tatsu couldn't help being worried.

"What is it this time," Alfred went straight to the point.

Jason's grin widened. It was disturbing, that expression of his. "This is Hamsterdam."

Alfred raised his eyebrows, jammed his finger in his ear as though he wasn't hearing right. "Excuse me, but did you just say… Hamsterdam?"

Jason nodded enthusiastically. "Hamsterdam, the first hamster of the family."

First. Which meant there'd be more.

The Battle of the Backseat

"We can fit."

Bruce looked from the Magpie, then to Metamorpho doubtfully. "I don't think this is a good idea," he insisted as he pulled his cowl over his face.

"I can morph into a jar until we get there," Rex offered, turning his fist into liquid to demonstrate.

Bruce raised an eyebrow. "And if you don't have enough power to morph back into your original form?"

Rex huffed, muttered something about a cure under his breath.

"Once again," Margaret insisted. "We can fit."

Five minutes later, after much debate and the computer informing them they were exactly 10.3 seconds late for patrol, Magpie and Metamorpho sat pressed up against the windows of the batmobile.

"Scoot over," Margaret hissed. "And make your elbow softer!"

Rex rolled his eyes. "I can't scoot over!"

Margaret shook her head furiously. "Yes! You can!" She nailed him in his side in attempt to push his further to the left.

"Oh no you don't, lady," he protested by gripping her on the shoulder and pressing her up against the window so hard he cheek flattened.

Fifteen minutes later when they finally reached their destination, Bruce had a headache, the backseat was dented in several places, and both Margaret and Rex had received more bruises fighting each other than Anarky could ever give them.

R.I.P. (Rest In Pieces)

"Jason," Tatsu begged as they walked into the portion of the Batcave where they kept the completed Ion Cortex. "We can protect it. We'll figure out a way!"

Jason Burr shook his head. "The League of Assassins wants this for some reason. If it's as bad as what I think it is… I'll never forgive myself for making this thing."

The master swordmistress shook her head, reached for the scientist's hand. He pulled away. She bit her lip, worried. Never in her life had she seen him this serious.

"It has the potential to kill hundreds of people. Good people, innocent people," he put his hand on the glassy surface of the colossal Cortex. "We have to destroy it."

Tatsu had just assume he wanted another date when he asked her to stay back with him from one of Wayne Enterprise's celebrations. Never had she expected him to say he wanted her to help him destroy his world-changing invention.

"I only trust you to help me do this, Tatsu," he explained. "I know you'll respect my decision."

Sucking in a deep breath, Tatsu nodded. "Of course I do."

The scientist began climbing the stairs that led to the top of the Cave. "Then we take it down from the inside."

Katana watched, sword in hand, as he cut a hole in the top of the Cortex. They lowered themselves into it with harnesses, then spent the evening taking it apart from the inside.

Less than an hour before their teammates returned, Tatsu and Jason stood staring at the now dormant solution to the energy crisis. Placing his finger of the detonator, Jason whispered, "We have to make sure no one can rebuild it."

Taking her hand in one of his, he pressed the button. The Ion Cortex fell into a million pieces, shattered beyond repair.

Rex Rides Again

Margaret ran down into the Batcave, every inch of her soaked and her breathing fast and hard.

"Rex," she gasped.

The element man swung around just in time to see the Magpie trip onto the ground, sliding the rest of her way to him.

"Rex," she exclaimed, grabbing onto his cement arm. "Please don't do it! Stagg's a lunatic! If Sapphire can't love someone as amazing as you, than she's a lunatic too! Neither of them deserve your time, your apology… Or your revenge."

Metamorpho looked down at the small woman. Her eyes danced with worry, her entire body shivering with cold as rainwater dripped from every curve of her body. She looked exhausted as she gasped for air, yet she must have been gripping onto his arm with her full strength.

Bruce had told him to stay behind. Stagg was out. Rex wanted his revenge and everyone knew it. They couldn't take chances.

"You don't know what it's like, having to live like this, finding the love of your life doesn't accept you," he scowled. He lifted his arm, trying to get her to let go. He ended up lifting her off the floor.

Margaret clung to him, determined not to let go. "Yes, I do! I don't remember anything from my childhood, from my life from five years ago! I've become a monster who's just now learning that her two identities are one and the same," her eyes grew red, and she closed them tightly to prevent tears. "And to make it worse, I'm not sure anyone has ever loved me! Even here, I always feel like I'm no help at all!"

Rex lowered his arm, returning her to her feet. The slightest light of pity flashed through his eyes, then disappeared. "Goodbye, Margaret."

"NO! If you kill Stagg Batman we'll never let you back! You'll be on your own," Margaret was desperate, tears rolling freely down her damp skin. "Don't do this to yourself! I'm begging you-please!"

 

With a roll of anger, he threw her to the ground. For the last time, he climbed onto his motorcycle, this time alone. That was the last time she ever saw him. He got his revenge. He left the Bat-family. They didn't hear from him for years, didn't see him until he brought to Outsiders in to protect Gotham. By that time it was too late.

**Author's Note:**

> A/N: For the record, I think of Rex being a rather funny guy, Katana and Magpie having a love-hate relationship, and Kirk as being the long-time struggling mature one. Yes, this was pretty bad, but in my defense I wrote nearly all of it with strep throat and it's kind of hard to write through that kind of pain! Oh yeah, and if you hadn't noticed, I love Tatsu! So if there was too much of her in this I don't apologize! Please comment and tell me which snippet was your favorite!
> 
> Merry Christmas and Happy New Year!


End file.
